Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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