I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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