Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
