Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
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