I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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