sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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