My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
