Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
