My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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