So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
