actually, I'm a sock model
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
