shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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