i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
