My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
