Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
