I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Houston, we have a squirter
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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