It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
