What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
