my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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