He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
