Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
