There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
