The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
