So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
