we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
