im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
