I think I just saw someone hide a body.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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