smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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