I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
