how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
