i jhust puked up my retainher.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
