I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize