I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
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