I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
