just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
