I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
