I didn't shave. On purpose
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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