A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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