ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
