There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
