Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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