the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
