i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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