my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
