Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
