i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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