when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
