Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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