You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Randomize
