It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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