I think I died a long time ago.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
