I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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