Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
