i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
