He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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