Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize