I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
