That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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