My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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