before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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