My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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