either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
