a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
