nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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