We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize