Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
