i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize