And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
