i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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