Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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