Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
